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Beautiful Thing – Code of Ethics

The lyrics to the song Beautiful Thing by Code of Ethics


What was it like to spend a cold and sleepless night
Praying, take this cup from me
Please don’t let it be
There under star filled skys, the yellow glow of fireflies
Was the shadow of a friend
Betrayal would bring the end
For a second did You want to run
Knowing all the shame that was about to come
To the sinless one
A mother’s son
And how could it be, still so young at thirty three
Without protest without sound
Heavens love came down

The cross, the nails, the Savior’s crown
What a beautiful thing to do
The way you laid Your body down
Was so beautiful
And when that soldier pierced Your side
It was a beautiful thing to do
Such an ugly way to die, but so beautiful

Did you feel the evil, in the heart of everyone
As they cursed and they accused
Ah, the court was so amused
I bet it broke Your heart and made You cry
When one by one You heard Your friends deny
They ever knew You, they ever knew You

The cross, the nails, the savior’s crown
What a beautiful thing to do
The way You laid your body down, was so beautiful
And when that soldier pierced Your side
It was a beautiful thing to do

2016: Of Unlearning and Tryharding

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Right so the obligatory end of year post.

This year was the year I decided to cast aside all pretending and search for answers to questions I’ve had pretty much all my life, but have never been answered. Why this year? Because this was the year that the ‘independent’ part of life was to begin. So you can’t just get by with ‘oh it will work out’ without knowing exactly how or , ‘just do it, if it works for them then it will work for you’, without knowing why. It was the year I decided to put a stop to pretty words of of reassurance and motivation, without having a proper way forward.

Weird thing though, I’m an INFP. We’re supposed to be the dreamy type with incredible ideals without thinking too much about how it’s going to work. So trying to trim these dreams down to only what seems logical just seems.. ‘un-me’. But fantasies had to stop. I had questions and I was finally demanding answers, no matter how late (relative) it may seem.

First off, religion. I am a born again Christian, and I do believe in Jesus. I have been active in church for as long as I remember. But it reached a point where just doing a set of things and ‘hoping for the best’ wasn’t cutting. This part is hard to explain but I’ll take you through all my reasoning.

“We are God’s creation. We are His children. So why do we have to do all these things just to get His attention? If an earthly father did the same wouldn’t we call him wicked? ” ” I was taught that prayer was talking to God, but it does seem that most of prayer time is yelling at Him about what we don’t want the Devil or our enemies to do.Weird conversation huh.” “God doesn’t listen to sinners; so how do people repent?” “Why exactly did Jesus come if the ‘ideal’ way of having a relationship with God is the same as before He came? Is the name of Jesus just a punctuation in prayer? Was he just to forgive our sins? He came just for that? REALLY?” “So I guess you other struggle without Christ or struggle to leave up to this unreal expectations the Bible has. Wait, only that not every one without Christ appears to be struggling.. so why I’m in this anyway?? ‘If he dies he’ll go to hell but you wont’ how is that even an answer ?” And finally this massive one. “God is my Father, I don’t deny that. Why I’m I so reliant on other people (no matter how close they are to Him) to hear what he’s saying about me? If the only way I had to communicate with my earthy father was through his senior most assistant or best friend, wouldn’t that make make him a very questionable figure?”

As I was spiraling out of control, thinking what’t the point of it all, I stumbled on this Bible teacher; well, not stumbled upon but his name had been at the back of my mind for quite a while but never really gave it much attention. Particularly because most of the pastors are basically the same (with the exception of a few); and it doesn’t help when you know a sizeable chunk of what they do when others aren’t seeing. Anyway, he’s called Andrew Wommack and from the first teaching of his I could tell that this was exactly what I was looking for, answers!

You see others had ‘answers’ but their answers were either of their own knowledge or scriptures taken completely out of context. Like I used to ask, ‘which kind goes not out but by prayer and fasting?’ and the answer I would get  was that ‘ some specific demons or really big diseases or situations’ only that you can’t justify that through the Bible. Then to wrap it up they throw in the ‘whatsoever he tells you to do, do it’. Man.. Anyway back to answers (btw he did answer this question, and the answer was right there. the kind was unbelief lol). This Andrew guy explained scripture so well and plainly that I felt I had been cheated my entire life!

“Why are we doing these things to get His attention?” We have his attention! That’s why Jesus came! “Okay that still doesn’t explain all these stuff we have to do in order for God to bless us”. But He’s already blessed us! “These are great things you’re saying, but if I’ve already been blessed then why can’t I see it? ” Well, if I ask you for something that you have already given me, what would your response be like? Wow is that why I think God is silent?

That’s just a tip of the iceberg we’re talking major major answers and revelations; even what’s more boggling is that the answers are from scriptures I’ve read so many times!

Wow, so WordPress tells me those are round 825 words; clearly I had a lot to say about that because the basis of peace starts from the spirit. And with that guy’s teachings, along with a few others  I picked along the way, I’ve been completely transformed. Answers I’ve been looking for for 10 years I found in 12 months. Amazing. I can assuredly say I’m ‘A Christian ‘(one who’s in a relationship with God after reconciliation by Jesus) and not ‘Christian’ (just going through the norms and traditions, just because you have to).

That was the unlearning part. Now for the tryharding. Yes, that’s a word.

I started my business in April. Everything was going fairly well; I had a few clients under my belt and money was flowing. Well, until money stopped in September. See this was about the time I had planned to move out, IF the cash flow was constant. So frustration was building, and with frustration comes desperation. I remember chasing an invoice so hard I must have actually wreaked of desperation. And it was from a relative. Something just didn’t fit.

Let me just say at this point that  battles are lost when one side becomes desperate. And people forget about God and what He’s doing just when He’s ‘outdone’ himself. I was doing great work and cheques were coming in and I was like, yes, this is it. I’m doing it. I gave God thanks and moved on. So I was really shocked when my cashflow completely stopped and even a relative wouldn’t want to pay a measly $100 for work done.

God wasn’t silent; He’d actually been speaking and I was ignoring. And as I almost had it (again LOL) with this business life, I had a teaching by Andrew (surprise) entitled an excellent spirit. Then another followed (can’t remember the name because they gelled so well) that made me ask myself, who really is my source? God or people? Then I realized that I was being frustrated because I saw people as my source and not God. And it’s veery easy to do because you can clearly see someone writing a check and .. well.. I’ve never like… seen God so.. It can get tricky.

So. I decided you know what, every job I do will be as unto God and I will wait for His reward. And as weird as it may seem, that was the last invoice I chased. Cash flow resumed and it’s now people reminding me that they want to finish payments. I don’t know does that happen? Never seen it before lol!

2016 has been a great experience. I’ve heard to unlearn a ton (basically 90% of what I knew as a Christian) and live as a human ‘being’ not a human ‘doing’, as well as approaching God not based on what I have done but by what Jesus has done for me; my head is just that much clearer and spirit is at peace. I finally have this freelance thing going well, and I’m not forcing stuff and just flowing in God’s grace.

As I close in what seems to be my longest post ever (WOW), I’d like to thank Gilmore Girls for coming back and Beauden Barrett for being.. Beauden Barrett.

My heart still weeps for Aleppo. I hope peace prevails next year.

Shoutouts to Matt McDonald, Lacey Sturm and Gungor for amazing music this year.

I feel I’m forgetting something; but if you’ve read this far grab yourself  a cookie. I didn’t even proofread xD

Happy New Year !

Deathbed

Now how did I not put this song up? Relient K have a long, but nice story to tell…

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can’t believe this is the end

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I’ll be home

The year was nineteen forty one
I was eight years old and

Far far too young

To know that the stories
Of battles and glory
Was a tale a kind mother
Made up for her son
You see
Dad was a traveling preacher
Teaching the words of the Teacher
But mother had sworn
Went off to the war
And died there with honor
Somewhere on a beach there
But he left once to never return
Which taught me that I should unlearn
Whatever I thought a father should be
I abandoned that thought
Like he abandoned me

By forty seven I was fourteen
I’d acquired a taste for liquor and nicotine
I smoked until I threw up
Yet I still lit ’em up for thirty more years
Like a machine

So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can’t believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I’d do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I’ll be home

I got married on my twenty first
Eight months before my wife would give birth
It’s easier to be sure you love someone
When her father inquires with the barrel of a gun
The union was far from harmonious
No two people could have been more alone than us
The years would go by and she’d love someone else
And I realized I hadn’t been loved yet myself

From there it’s your typical spiel
Yeah if life was a highway
I was drunk at the wheel
I was helping the loose ends
All fall apart
Yeah I swear I was destined to fail
And fail from the start

Read the rest of this entry

Hero

He walked the dirty streets.
Famous for nothing.
He said “Come follow me” and they came.
A face like all the rest.
But something was different.
The Son of God would lead the way.

And soon they all would say.

There He goes – a hero.
A savior to the world.
Here He stands with scars in His hands.
With love He gave His life so we could be free.
The Savior of the world.

He spoke with clarity.
Walked across the sea.
A single word would calm the storm.
His touch could heal the sick,
but He was called a hypocrite.
Laid behind the stone. His death was shortly mourned.

He left the curtain torn.

There He goes – a hero.
A savior to the world.
Here He stands with scars in His hands.
With love he gave His life so we could be free.
The Savior of the world.

He choose to take the cross.
Shed tears for the lost, the broken, and the needy.
Forgiving those who were and will be.
The angel made it clear.
He told them have no fear.
He’s not here. He’s not here!

There He goes – The Hero.
The Savior to the world.
Here He stands with scars in His hands.
With love He gave his life so we could be free.
The Savior of the world.

The Savior of the world.

[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/abandon-lyrics/hero-lyrics.html ]

I celebrate the day – Relient K

And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much
You’ve touched my life
Because here is where You’re finding me, in the exact same place as New Year’s eve
And from a lack of my
persistency
We’re less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be
my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I’ll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life

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