I remember that night. I had just gone out for some fresh air. Breathed in, felt the air into my lungs, refresh my soul; my hands were stretched out, eyes looking up gazing into the heavens. And my, what a sight! On this night the starts were peculiarly beautiful . I dashed out to get my camera. I had to capture this. How could anyone not?
I came back hurriedly, getting my settings right; and as i was about to take a photo the battery died. Such disappointment! I really wanted that photo! So I just lay there, imprinting it into my memory; the best I could do. And after I had enough of mosquitoes tingling my legs I wnt back to bed; hoping for a dream of the same.
Now the next day, I went about asking everyone if they saw what I saw. That spectacle. And the only response I got were, ‘No’ and ‘Yeah..’ Nothing more. There were those that didn’t see it, and those who saw it couldn’t care less. But how? I was really disappointed. And confused. Still trying to figure out why no one cared about such beauty.
They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. No, this was not what the universe was trying to teach me. That night again I went out to see if I could go and see what I saw the previous night. Nope! To no avail.
There were stars alright, but seemingly not as beautiful and as breathtaking. I may have been staring at the exact same thing, but the magic was gone. Then I realised it. It was the same spectacle as the previous night; but its magic had been robbed. How? And then the universe pulled out her ruler and pointed to the board; a great epiphany that was.
In this life we’ll see, we’ll feel, we’ll experience, we’ll think up many awesome things; so awesome that we’ll want others to be in the loop, and possibly experience them also like we do. Don’t get me wrong; there’s nothing wrong with sharing such experiences, such thoughts, such feelings. But sometimes, such things have limited magic (limited to one person, you). Sometimes such things are meant for you and you alone; not you and your friends, not you and your family and not even you and your significant other. Such magical experiences, such inspirational moments, are meant just for you.
Just. For. You.
I had a dream;
I was all alone; in a box, a pitch black box. I wasn’t sure if I had put myself in there, or if they had put me in there; but I was there nonetheless. Cold, dark, lonely; i wanted to cry out, not that I couldn’t, but I didn’t. The darkness was my home, the cold my shelter. This was my space, my place. I figured I’d just stop fighting; its okay to lose…
Yet at that moment the box began to move, it began to drop; it was an elevator… Maybe it wasn’t; but I was descending; descending at a steady pace. Flickers of light making their way through; darkness was dissipating. I as sank further, I made out figures of people, couples holding hands, giggling… They looked at me, and smiled. They were beaming; i wasn’t sure why. Then I noticeably slowed down, I was reaching the bottom..
I heard a voice; “there she is…”
‘Who?’ I asked.
But there she was. Her beaming smile putting darkness to flight. She was warm. And as she held out her hand, time began to freeze; as if to give me a chance to think, to consider, to hesitate, to be sure; I am the second-guesser.
This time it was different. This time, more than ever, I wanted this. With all the life in me, I grabbed that hand, with zero intent to let go; not now not ever. And just like that, all the doubts; all the ‘if’s and ‘what if’s, all the plan B’s, dissolved. Into thin air, into clear water, they were gone; they were no longer necessary. Like when two fists of ninja clash and the intent in their hearts is made clear; the feeling of our two hands touching connected the feelings of our two hearts. At that moment, something was passed. It rushed through my body, my sub conscience, my soul; like a drug, with a calming, yet reassuring effect. I’m not letting go.
Words were never uttered; they weren’t needed. But they loudly reverberated within my being.
“It’s going to be okay; because I love you too.”
*If you can make this up, you’re good. May be confusing.
Alone. Dark. Cold. Silence. No life; no flora no fauna…just him. The pestering he loved was gone. So were those who needed help. And the heartbroken too. The world grew larger, or so he thought. And so he gathered the little strength he had and stood up. Started walking towards the faint light ahead.
He approaches. It leads to a dimly lit corridor. On the walls, posters. Banners. Graffiti tattooed all over with his name in context. For all the wrong reasons. “MIA”. “Buster”. “Liar”. “Cheat”. “Loser”. “Trash”. “Waste of space”.A god of his kind had been reduced to nought. With no explanation; no reason; no cause. He had become average. He walks down the Hall of Shame in disbelief..
He gets to a door. He opens it. Bright light stuns him. Headache. His eyes adjust. The world at large; more splendid than before; full of life and vigour..but he is sad. He’s right in the midst of the human traffic. But he’s invisible. No one sees him. Even they that badly needed him; that depended on him for survival…that bond was savoured. He gets slighty happy when a man knocks him and he and falls to the dirt. And when he gets up, he makes up the sign the man hung on his neck. “Free hugs”. He needed someone to realise him. Nil. He hates the world. His work is done. He figured it was time for him to die. That solitude. That feeling of being unwanted; invisible; “a waste of space” was unbearable. No one to care; no one to be cared for. No one to love, no one to be loved by. “Why am I here?” “If the world is already a better place, then what’s my purpose for living?” And he decides that he might be of use in the afterlife, for the world no longer needs him.
But he wakes up. From the nightmare. Sweating. His aching head feels twice the size. And so does his heart. Another chance to prove his worth. And so he goes forth, burning with the flame of youth, broad minded and open hearted. For he’s still scared…but he knows what he must do.
The price of being a genius