I had a dream;
I was all alone; in a box, a pitch black box. I wasn’t sure if I had put myself in there, or if they had put me in there; but I was there nonetheless. Cold, dark, lonely; i wanted to cry out, not that I couldn’t, but I didn’t. The darkness was my home, the cold my shelter. This was my space, my place. I figured I’d just stop fighting; its okay to lose…
Yet at that moment the box began to move, it began to drop; it was an elevator… Maybe it wasn’t; but I was descending; descending at a steady pace. Flickers of light making their way through; darkness was dissipating. I as sank further, I made out figures of people, couples holding hands, giggling… They looked at me, and smiled. They were beaming; i wasn’t sure why. Then I noticeably slowed down, I was reaching the bottom..
I heard a voice; “there she is…”
‘Who?’ I asked.
But there she was. Her beaming smile putting darkness to flight. She was warm. And as she held out her hand, time began to freeze; as if to give me a chance to think, to consider, to hesitate, to be sure; I am the second-guesser.
This time it was different. This time, more than ever, I wanted this. With all the life in me, I grabbed that hand, with zero intent to let go; not now not ever. And just like that, all the doubts; all the ‘if’s and ‘what if’s, all the plan B’s, dissolved. Into thin air, into clear water, they were gone; they were no longer necessary. Like when two fists of ninja clash and the intent in their hearts is made clear; the feeling of our two hands touching connected the feelings of our two hearts. At that moment, something was passed. It rushed through my body, my sub conscience, my soul; like a drug, with a calming, yet reassuring effect. I’m not letting go.
Words were never uttered; they weren’t needed. But they loudly reverberated within my being.
“It’s going to be okay; because I love you too.”
I can bring myself to all the ‘gives’ ; except one. I can do the ‘aways’ and the ‘outs’ and the ‘tos’, but I wont give up. You grazed my heart bruised my soul as you passed through my invisible self with the least of notice. I don’t know whether to cry or to laugh; I saw this coming from a mile away. But for the sake of you I will refrain from the sweet fruit of revenge, for your sake I’ll be the one to break that cycle of selfishness, the cycle of hate and retaliation. I’ll be Naruto because you are my Sasuke, I’ll be Allen Walker because you are an Akuma, I’ll be the receiver, I’ll make use of the empty shell i’ve become to cushion all your pain and anguish. For the sake of happiness I must walk deeper through pain. And if I don’t succeed I’ll still be OK, for I am Vlad and this is my resolve..
*If you can make this up, you’re good. May be confusing.
Alone. Dark. Cold. Silence. No life; no flora no fauna…just him. The pestering he loved was gone. So were those who needed help. And the heartbroken too. The world grew larger, or so he thought. And so he gathered the little strength he had and stood up. Started walking towards the faint light ahead.
He approaches. It leads to a dimly lit corridor. On the walls, posters. Banners. Graffiti tattooed all over with his name in context. For all the wrong reasons. “MIA”. “Buster”. “Liar”. “Cheat”. “Loser”. “Trash”. “Waste of space”.A god of his kind had been reduced to nought. With no explanation; no reason; no cause. He had become average. He walks down the Hall of Shame in disbelief..
He gets to a door. He opens it. Bright light stuns him. Headache. His eyes adjust. The world at large; more splendid than before; full of life and vigour..but he is sad. He’s right in the midst of the human traffic. But he’s invisible. No one sees him. Even they that badly needed him; that depended on him for survival…that bond was savoured. He gets slighty happy when a man knocks him and he and falls to the dirt. And when he gets up, he makes up the sign the man hung on his neck. “Free hugs”. He needed someone to realise him. Nil. He hates the world. His work is done. He figured it was time for him to die. That solitude. That feeling of being unwanted; invisible; “a waste of space” was unbearable. No one to care; no one to be cared for. No one to love, no one to be loved by. “Why am I here?” “If the world is already a better place, then what’s my purpose for living?” And he decides that he might be of use in the afterlife, for the world no longer needs him.
But he wakes up. From the nightmare. Sweating. His aching head feels twice the size. And so does his heart. Another chance to prove his worth. And so he goes forth, burning with the flame of youth, broad minded and open hearted. For he’s still scared…but he knows what he must do.
The price of being a genius