Category Archives: Believe it!

Somewhat tough facts of life that are ignored

Hold that line

wolf-519226_640No, I’m not a lone wolf. Wolves aren’t soft and cuddly. Wolves don’t have big and lumbering figures that take three years to make a turn. They’re agile, they’re swift, decisive, always going in for the kill. At least I’d like to think so; if not the better. Oh no, I’m not a wolf. Maybe a bear. Thick. Warm. Makes porridge for the family. Protective. Likes honey. Yeah, something like a bear alright. Would make an excellent coat.
Thing with bears though; they have really thick fur, braving even the longest of winters. That fur isn’t easy to sink teeth into. Or claws. It would take a great deal for a wolf to bring a bear down. A lone wolf surely can’t take the bear.  That’s why he brings friends.

But what did the bear ever do. I’m guessing all the guy did was become extra clingly to a pot of honey. Or probably the wolves weren’t even targeting the bear. They were just out looking for something to chew on and this “monster” decides it isn’t having any of it. For some reason, the bear decides that those “creatures” are its responsibility, and are worth protecting?

This isn’t the first time the bear is taking a last stand. He probably is the patron saint of the last stand. He’s used to it by now. He knows it’s gonna sting. He knows it may not end well. But he plants those trees he calls feet into the ground; and with his most excellent Gandalf impression takes all the punishment and holds that line. No wolf gets past here. Not on his watch.

During battle, the single thought in a soldier’s head is the difference between life and death. Between going home with decorated clad or in a body bag. I’d sure like to know what spurs the bear on. What’s keeps his resolve strong. What makes every scratch, swipe and bite worth it.

Is it that the others get to safety and and live happily ever after? No that can’t be it; they probably aren’t even concerned about him, and may never see him again. Is it the honey pot he’s left at home or the zingy feeling of the snow nursing his wounds with a slight yet addictive sting? Maybe. But I think it’s something more. I think the bear knows the strongest and most fragile force on the planet, and is ready to die if it means he has to protect it. And that force is nothing other than hope.

Hope for a new tomorrow,  hope for a better tomorrow. Hope that this is not the end. Hope that life suck, just for now. Without hope we’re already dead; we’re circling the drain. But with hope, with even the smallest bit of hope, strength is born. Hope is that light guiding you out of the tunnel, without it you’re better off in a hole.

The thing with  lone wolves is that they go into hiding when injured. Too proud to show weakness. It matters how others see them. But not bears. There’s no time for a bear to hide. There’s too much at stake. If they’re breathing they’re dancing with the wolves. They’ll stop when they’re dead.

But does the bear have hope then? Wait, who protects the bear’s hope?

This isn’t about the bear.

Twenty Five Ti

Reflection

photo credit: dawolf- Time to reflect via photopin (license)

Obligatory Birthday Post.

I like how when nVidia releases a graphics card some have the tag ‘Ti’. I don’t even know what it means but a GTX 1080 Ti has a significant performance boost over the GTX 1080 even though they essentially have the same model number. My guess is that the Ti is what the 1080 was supposed to be had they had more time to work on it but PCMR wouldn’t have any of it. So the 1080 is a good, solid card but the Ti is the ‘ascended’ version.

Likewise, because of how the past year has gone I feel it would be better to call this my 25-Ti’th year rather than the 26th. Actually this post would have been labelled ‘Twenty Six’ had I written it on my birthday but after something happened (which I will NOT go into details here, at least for now) I decided to add Ti to previous page.

Not because the previous year of my life totally blew. It was actually one of my best yet. I’m getting a hang of this freelance thing, I put down my foot more often (in spite of my INFP nature wanting to sacrifice more than I should) and I can now converse properly on phone without zoning out, at least for 5 minutes. Of course they are many other things; things have been smooth, manageable and relatively stress free. Even unpaid invoiced don’t frustrate me as much.

But see that’s the problem. You get too comfortable you start coasting. You start coasting you become complacent. You become complacent you remain where you are. The weird thing with this kind of ‘coasting’ is that you don’t even realize it. After all, you’re doing work, you’re pursuing clients; you’re not just letting life pass by. “I’m doing my part, I’m okay.” That’s dangerous. That’s selfish. And more importantly, that’s a far cry from God’s Will.

I’d never really thought about it till last Sunday, when the weirdest thing happened. Have you ever had a full conversation with some that lasted only 1 second? I did. I usually tell people that I can look into someone’s eyes and hear what they are saying regardless of the word coming out of their mouths, or even when they aren’t speaking. But the way the one on Sunday happened I’m still recovering from it.

It’s probably not a good idea to give details of this person (at this stage anyway) but it’s someone I’ve come to respect and have taken an interest in. It was just in passing but one look into this person’s eyes and I was suddenly so aware of how ‘comfortable’ I was. How I was limiting myself. How I wouldn’t push myself if I was okay with what I had.

Is that all? Is this what ‘the great Juniboy’ amounts to?

Probably the greatest turning point in my life was when I finally understood how much God loved me, regardless of my actions. Even if I decided to close up shop and live under a bridge He wouldn’t love me less. But what I had lost sight of was the other people I should be helping, the others I should be blessing, the others that are looking up to me. This isn’t a need to please others. Nor is it peer pressure. In fact I’m actually proud of my ‘peer pressure’-less life. But how unfortunate would it be if you were to die with someone’s miracle in your soul? How awful would it be if I had the solution to World Hunger and I just decided to coast; after all life is great, right? How scary. How terrifying.

So my 25 year was great. I did help out some guys. I did in my small way cause some significant impact. Just like the GTX 1080, which is a great card; a high end graphics churning monster. But it isn’t a Ti, that just churns better, and is the 1080’s true form. One look into this person’s eyes and the message was clear:

Life isn’t just about you anymore.

Weirdly though I think it’s only babies that think everything’s only about them. They don’t care if you just went to sleep after a long day; if he/she wants attention you will respond.

I probably met an angel on Sunday. Oh well. 

Of RPGs, double entendres, baby steps and the whole shebang

image

Right so it’s the last day of the year and that warrants at least one cheesy post.. I wasn’t gonna blog till the next year but this just couldn’t wait. Because timing.

Great year ladies and gentlemen, great year. I started my own venture, gamed a TON, specifically in the RPG (role playing games), and had pizza at least four times. I had pizza twice in 2014 so this is a WIN and I’m HAPPY about it. But more importantly this was the year the universe sat me down at her feet and hammered in some knowledge into my head, hammered it good. They may seem tiny and somewhat mundane but if you really think about them they’ll make you tilt your head slightly to the side and make you nod in a subtle manner. That’s right people. Here are the secrets to the universe. (if not then I ended up in the wrong class and found it surprisingly helpful).

Before I start, remember this is from the view of an INFP 24 year old with limited energy that stammers like crazy at times. Okay here goes.

First, you can get away with almost anything if you’re charming. And it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Think real hard about what your going to say and then say it. Okay, that’s a given but the key is back it with all the confidence you’ve got. All of it. A fool talking with utmost confidence can convince even the wisest of crowds. By playing RPGs you can learn alot and for me I have discovered I have the knack for negotiating and striking good deals without a silver tongue. And by good deal I mean win win deals (the only deals I enjoy making). There is always an option that will leave both satisfied.

Secondly. A weird realization. Double entendres are everywhere. And may wreck your childhood. If you look for the dirt, you are going to find it. Yeah that’s pretty much it.

Thirdly. Baby steps. If the mountain scares you start tearing away pebbles first. Yes, pebbles. Huge tasks are just a set of tiny ones stacked up together chanting “we are legion.” Scared of going out? Start by saying yes to the one friend who keeps asking. Scared of writing? Grab your pen or pencil (love pencils) and just write random words. Heck this post started out that way 🙂 Weirdly they begin to take shape. But you have to start. Just start. Is it a business venture? Register the domain name. You can come back in a few months to it. As long as it’s a step, you’re fine. Some are quick off the tracks, some are slow. Overtaking is allowed. You don’t even have to overtake. All you have to do is move forward and something, bringing me to the fourth point, something will happen! Something always happens; and if you miss the window, just make sure you don’t miss the next one, or the one after that. However be wary of settling for $100,000 when there’s $1,000,000 around the corner.

And lastly. Learn to let go. And this is coming from an INFP; the most clingly people. We have grips stronger than workbench vices. It’s good to believe in people and wait for the good to come up. It’s good to keep hope alive in certain areas. But at times you just have to call it. That energy is better spent elsewhere. Embers can mean something isn’t dead, but they can also mean something is way past its prime and you won’t get much of it anymore.

Summing up, remember that the best is always yet to come. You don’t notice it now but you’re right where you need to be 🙂

Just For You

trees night stars purple silhouette lying down night sky 1920x1200 wallpaper_www.wallpaperhi.com_100

Credit: wallmay.net

I remember that night. I had just gone out for some fresh air. Breathed in, felt the air into my lungs, refresh my soul; my hands were stretched out, eyes looking up gazing into the heavens. And my, what a sight! On this night the starts were peculiarly beautiful . I dashed out to get my camera. I had to capture this. How could anyone not?

I came back hurriedly, getting my settings right; and as i was about to take a photo the battery died. Such disappointment! I really wanted that photo! So I just lay there, imprinting it into my memory; the best I could do. And after I had enough of mosquitoes tingling my legs I wnt back to bed; hoping for a dream of the same.

Now the next day, I went about asking everyone if they saw what I saw. That spectacle. And the only response I got were, ‘No’ and ‘Yeah..’ Nothing more. There were those that didn’t see it, and those who saw it couldn’t care less. But how? I was really disappointed. And confused. Still trying to figure out why no one cared about such beauty.

They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. No, this was not what the universe was trying to teach me. That night again I went out to see if I could go and see what I saw the previous night. Nope! To no avail.

There were stars alright, but seemingly not as beautiful and as breathtaking. I may have been staring at the exact same thing, but the magic was gone. Then I realised it. It was the same spectacle as the previous night; but its magic had been robbed. How? And then the universe pulled out her ruler and pointed to the board; a great epiphany that was.

In this life we’ll see, we’ll feel, we’ll experience, we’ll think up many awesome things; so awesome that we’ll want others to be in the loop, and possibly experience them also like we do. Don’t get me wrong; there’s nothing wrong with sharing such experiences, such thoughts, such feelings. But sometimes, such things have limited magic (limited to one person, you). Sometimes such things are meant for you and you alone; not you and your friends, not you and your family and not even you and your significant other. Such magical experiences, such inspirational moments, are meant just for you.

Just. For. You.

The Ghosts of my Childhood Past

ImageYes, I was young. But I was not foolish. With eyes that see everything, and an intuition that cuts sharper than any wind chakra coated blade, I was constantly putting myself at the front lines, absorbing information from all angles. Yes, I was curio. Only because I hated not knowing; being in the dark. But as a child you only have so much processing capability; there’s all this data coming in but you don’t know what to do with it. So it just sits there, waiting for you to either understand it, or forget it. And I don’t forget.

The data sat in that cauldron, mutating from time to time, but just as dormant. And then one day, you begin to see patterns. You find missing gaps; and you attempt to fill them. Instinctively, you dip your hands into that cauldron, despite screams from the dark matter to leave it alone. You don’t listen. You dive right in. And suddenly everything is clear.Clearer than ever. That crystallizing moment. When you discover all you saw, all you know, allyou had been told, isn’t what you had believed. Your very foundation of existence totally shaken to the core. No, this is not the rag being pulled from underneath you. This is the floor literally disappearing from where you’re standing. Then you begin to fall. Voices grow faint The light diminishes, getting farther and farther till it vanishes. Oh, the irony!

And you reach a point, where you’re not sure if your still falling. You’ve been there for so long you just don’t care. For the dark matter mutates one last time; bearing its final form. The immortal ghosts that will haunt you forever. They will be with you. Because you gave them life. Reminding you of what you have done; how cruel this world is, keeping you from growing forward; from opening that door. For you feel you have enough of them already. Oh, the truth is grizzly.

Some things are better off left unsaid. Even if it’s the truth. For the sake of sanity. And stability.

Choose

Courtesy: calebcompany.org

Everyone must choose their own path. In a world where we’ve only one life left to live you must be sure of what you’re doing; where you’re going; how you’re going to accomplish it. It is foolish to follow another on their own path; that way you may be mocking the reason for your existence. If you’re foolish enough to choose a path simply because another chose it, doesn’t it mean you’ve given up on yourself? What is the purpose of being born with separate lives if we all end up taking the same path? It would be better if we were all conjoined into one soul. 

But because we each have different souls in different bodies, we must choose the path that we’ll live by, and follow it to the end. Having no regrets, and being prepared to face the consequence of the path chosen. No matter the path, your death must find you grinning. Now, choose.

Weakness and Strength

Strong and weak. In a sense no one or nothing is necessarily strong or weak. Classifying as strong simply means that a weak point hasn’t been found yet; and classifying as weak means that the weak point is fully exposed. So strength and weakness can both be varied by how well we exploit both our own and other’s weaknesses to our advantage. This can also mean that the weak have a better advantage over the strong because the weak have their weak point revealed and can learn to manage it, while the strong may have no idea whatsoever on what has the capacity to damage them; only to damage them when they least expect it. Then again luck is a part of one’s strength.

Forgive. Forget?

Yeah! My first post after a looong while, huh? A lot of stuff came up; like school, gaming, more gaming…you know. But yeah, I’ll be posting more regularly because I’ve finally rediscovered my writing style (after losing it apparently); lemme just say being yourself is harder than it sounds. And I’m not kidding.

So, I think I inherited the ‘forgetful’ gene from my mum. Sure, everyone forgets once in a while; but some more than others. If you leave water on the cooker while making rice and totally forget only to remember when you hear ‘paranormal sounds’ coming from the kitchen, yeah, your case of forgetfulness is a special one. If you haven’t reached there then you’re okay; you shouldn’t worry. Why? Because forgetting isn’t easy.

I grew up with people around me always saying “Forgive and forget, that’s the best way to live”. Especially after they’ve done something wrong. But can we really forget something that has affected you in one way or the other? Can you really erase an emotional rubber stamp from your memory completely?

Lemme back up a little. I read in a book (hah, can’t remember which one; but I did) that we can easily recall fun times because of that happy feeling generated. That warmness in your heart is what registers the whole event in your memory, not the event itself. In fact, depending on the awesome time you had, the moment someone says the word ‘fun’ you could reflect to that moment. The same goes for sad times. That down feeling will make you remember the event whenever someone mentions the word ‘sad’.

So, telling someone to forget that you did them wrong is a tall order. A very tall one. They CAN forgive you, but don’t think they won’t remember. That memory will still linger. Tears can dry, but that doesn’t change the fact that they came out. So long as some emotion was evoked somewhere then *bam* rubber stamp. Usually (though not all the time) the things we forget are because there was no feeling towards it. Frankly, when I want to remember something I first remember how it made me feel and then it resurfaces. You should try it! But when I can’t remember how I felt, chances are pretty high it’s not in my memory.

I hope this’ll make you handle relationships more delicately (they are fragile after all). One mistake can make everything up. Also, the fact that someone still remembers a mistake you made doesn’t mean they are ‘dwellers of the grim past’; give them a chance to heal. It’s the best you can do.

It’s almost impossible to forgive and forget, but it’s definitely possible to forgive and get over it.

The 100% talk-do ratio theory

half empty half fullYep! Ok, I know it’s a little wordy but ”The 100% talk-do ratio theory’ is something I’ve put a lot of time into and I’m finally ready to let the world know what I think.

I believe people have what I’d like to call follow-up cups(for lack of a better term); containers that can be 100% full at all times and determine how we follow up what we say we’ll do. Now, this 100% is composed of either ‘talk’ percentage, or ‘do’ percentage; meaning that when one ‘component’ is high, the other is ‘low’. That is to say if someone has say 60% talk, he or she has 40% do. If it’s 75% do, there’s a chance it’s also 25% talk. Following?

From my observation, someone who keeps saying they’ll do something [for you] is less likely to do it; whereas someone who is quiet about something is more likely to do it sooner than you think. Why? Am not sure…so I came up with the 100% talk-do ratio theory. Surprises mostly come from the quietest in the group simply because they are probably 90% do and 10% talk. And the one’s that will be talking about doing it and how they’re going to do it probably spend more time telling people how they will get it done rather than just getting it done. And surprisingly people who are good with their mouths are rarely good with their hands (and maybe feet) and vice versa. Examples? Critics never do anything. Politicians that address people every week are the most idle. I know Messi is silent; it’s said that people thought he was dumb when he arrived at Barcelona, but yes, he talks with his feet. A whole lot.

Therefore, the next time someone promises you something, or work is allocated within a team, hopefully the 100% talk-do ratio theory will help you make an informed decision. Let me also add that no position on the talk-do continuum is bad; it all depends on what you do with it.

My two cents.

Populating the ghost town of Originality

origina.

First, let me start by saying this. No, this is NOT about China products…and to the Chinese, I love you all!

Anyway, just the other day, I was immersed in Relient K music (awesome band, really) when the lyrics of their song Wit’s All Been Done Before struck me hard for the first time. Originality IS becoming a ghost town. Everyone’s copying everyone; we’d rather flow with someone else’s style, or ideas or the like instead of being ourselves. And as the band says, ” …cause repetition’s just so safe; but repetition’s just like prison…”

The reason behind this, I don’t know; but it’s more evident than ever that the present day person is overly concerned of what society thinks of him and his ideas or ideals. We are so careful not to offend another’s view of something to the point that it inhibits us from realising our true potential. We are ‘scared’ of what will happen if we try to break off and start something new, especially with the 50% chance that it will outright fall flat on its (or our) faces. But what we keep forgetting is that most of our enjoyment today, rather ALL of our enjoyment today is because someone somewhere was bold enough to step forward amid harsh words and ridicule from peers in order to realise what they had pictured in mind.

I am one of the few that have decided to rip apart the veil of repetition. Let’s just say I’m not really into prison, but more seriously, the fish that mature are the one’s that go against the flow, right? We’re originals remember? Even twins don’t have the same fingerprint. I always say it wouldn’t hurt to try, and if it fails then I wouldn’t be less than I was; at worst I may have gained nothing from trying but I wouldn’t have lost anything either (win win? 😉 ).

All in all, I am pretty sure of this. If I just go out there and be truthful to myself, so long as I don’t screw up and keep my head above the water then something good will definitely happen. Of course it’s not easy. Picture this. A baby. Cute, huh? But what preceded the baby? Labour.

The reason why something is outstanding is because it stands out.  Frankly, if you’re not different, then I don’t think someone else would need you. So just be you!

Think about it..

*the picture of the cute little girl isn’t mine; its from another blog that has something deep on originality. It’s in Spanish,but it’ll blow your head off. You can click it and follow.

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