Monthly Archives: October 2009

The Princess and the frog

Ok. For the first post, this is based on a true story. Happened in high school 🙂

Everyone remembers the story of the princess and the frog, how the princess kissed a frog and it turned into a handsome prince. But this story has a huge twist. You are about to figure out what happens when a princess, a prince and a frog coincidentally appear at the same time in front of an audience with a little help from my friends and their crude sense of humour.

Everyone loves drama. High school students like drama functions. So do frogs. Our school happened to host the Drama Festivals when I was in Form III and its usually attended by almost every school in Nairobi wanting to make a name for itself not only on stage, but also in terms of how they relate to girl schools (for boy schools) and how hot they can be (for girl schools). And the latter reason dominates the former, for which some teachers ‘forbid’ their students from being seen with other students of the opposite sex. But that didn’t really stop them (like it would!)
Anyway, all was normal – the usual ABCDEFG-and-vice-versa pattern (A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl and Girl Forget Everything Done & Catches Boy Again!) until a frog appeared in class. No one really knows where it came from maybe because it wasn’t really a concern being a boy school and all. No one cared, but they were about to. For some reason one of my pals (Mishael) suggested, “Majamaa tudendeni Jaymo!” (Guys, let’s play a prank on James!) James was one of those people who come from a rich home and really irritate you the whole day by just telling you what he has and you don’t. Apparently the mother is in the government so he kind of gets what he want (typical mama’s boy). I remember one day it rained so hard that his mother came looking for him until the classroom where she entered inside and literally pulled him out to take him home. Some people even exaggerated the whole thing saying that a flask of hot tea was in the car to warm him up. He was always a bit in his own heaven, and it was time to bring him back to earth, but he would have to take a detour through hell first.

The frog was grabbed in a cloth and put in his desk, but by 3pm we decided that things needed to be more ‘juicy’. There was no way it would give him a scare if he wasn’t even in class and besides, the audience for that ‘drama’ in class was way below quorum. It was then transferred to the inner pocket of his blazer, which was hanging on his chair. Not many people were in class as they were also seriously hitting on ladies outside, so it was easy for Byron to slip it in without much attention. James came for the blazer some minutes later, bragging about a fine girl he had met and wanted to look somewhat descent (yeah, right).

The original plan was just to scare him but not in front of the beautiful ladies. But it appeared that if he reached for his inner pocket while in the field , there would be more exciting drama than the one being acted in the school hall. I don’t know if anyone thought about rescuing James from the most embarrassing moment of his life (I did but changed my mind – he deserved it), but I doubt it because as soon as almost the whole class was in on the ‘saga’ there was that sadistic laugh that came out, almost like the one’s villains have. This was even better than expected!

The ‘lovebirds’ talked and talked, circling around the school a couple of times but James just did not reach for his pocket. We had to make a move because the anxiety was now too much to bear. We could not afford to ‘disappoint’ our ‘fans that were already in the field in large numbers. And that’s when one famous conversation breaker was implored, the Math question. Geoffrey walked up to him with a sheet of paper and a Math test. By this time they were at a green patch of grass in the field, which was abuzz with students of many schools socializing to the fullest. “Jaymo,” says Geoffrey, “I need your help with this math problem. It won’t take long, you being good in math and all.” Then the suspicious look on James face. Geoffrey was good at math, even better than him and besides, no one asks for help in math on a day like that one. “Oh, and she could help too right?” adds Geoff.

The reason Geoffrey used English (rarely used in school) was to try and convince James that it was just an act to pull the girl closer by showing how clever he was or the like. English was a way of saying “I’m serious about this” without actually saying it. “So you’re good at mathematics? Let’s see,” says Sheila with an extremely gorgeous smile that had the power to daze boys within a few feet (that’s exaggareted.) “Whatever!” goes James, as he reluctantly agrees and begins checking his pockets for a pen. He then instinctively makes a move for his inner right pocket.

When James pulled out his hand, it was covered in gooeyness, but he never had a handkerchief. Geoff bit his lower lip to suppress the laugh that was bottled up in his throat. James then takes a look inside his pocket and behold – an unconscious frog!

Ok, what happened next happened really fast and with the usual way of laughing loud with your eyes closed, I can’t remember much. All I remember is with one swift movement, the blazer was off his body and was suspended in the air for sometime as James dashed off screaming, leaving a confused lady behind. He shot across the field as over 500 students from schools around Nairobi looked on. He really looked like he had gone mad. At the same time my friends and I were laughing to the point we were literally lying on the ground. I think we looked stupid too but definitely not as retarded as James, at least when we filled the girl and some others in on what phenomenon had just taken place. Mish picked up the blazer and took it to class as the mission was a complete success!
We saw James after a solid two hours, when most schools had left. He had probably gone to bury his head somewhere while praying for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He of course lashed out – telling us we are childish and we will regret it and more blubbering which I can’t remember because for some reason we were all suppressing giggles until they exploded into full blown laughter. He walked away mumbling something we couldn’t make up.

Well, the next day he came to school with his mom who we hear said that James couldn’t eat the previous night and appeared to be far away with his tongue sticking out. However, only three people were called to the Dean’s office to answer to the frog case (not me of course!) Mish was told to dry clean the blazer and they were given some strokes only because the mom was there. Otherwise the Dean found it humorous and until I cleared school he had always commented on it whether while addressing issues on parade or when he brushed shoulders with Mish along the corridor. As for James it brought him down to earth for a little while but he changed again and we decided to let him be. Oh, and by the way Sheila and Mish are now very good friends (very true!).

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